This is BRILLIANT, Cori! Thank you for taking the time to craft this marvelous defense of "neanderthal" men. I 100% agree with you. Male and female should help one another, support, encourage, nurture, give a break, and offer quiet love through the storm. I am going to save this piece from you, as my own Substack is about the chaos of the sexual revolution and the terrible damage it has done to male-female dynamic. No longer a Leftist nor a feminist. There are legitimate grievances between men and women, yes, but bringing God into the middle of it, helps immensely. I am so glad you and your husband have a solid partnership and your sons are learning the same honorable thing. Keep on!!! Women do not need "beta" males, they need strong men who are also respectful.
Bren, a NEEDED thing, this writing. I agree totally. Former feminist, the anger and sadness never gets solved or balmed. MGTOW, incels, feminists, just a smaller war by any other name, between men and women. Hugs with husband a very good thing! If more people genuinely hugged every day, that would be a very good thing. Find the one God guides to you, stick with them and raise the kids together, man and woman. Honorable opposites as God created them to be, the Biblical "one flesh" realm and the only way life is made. Bravo, Bren, for this wonderful writing! WEW
This is absolutely sad. Holding a door is courteous regardless of the benefactor, or the insulted as the case may be. Keep on being you. You might be surprised how many ladies are ladies are looking for your gallantry and consideration.
As a 50 something male, I agree with what you are saying. Yes, I was raised to be competitive, strong, and not to express emotions (needlessly, at least). I have raised 2 children, a daughter and a son. I raised my daughter to be a strong woman and do for herself, yet I realize the difference between “being able to” and “having to” and wanted to give her the tools to choose. My son I raised to be the same as myself - strong and dependable. He opens door, offers his seat and was taught to be the last line of defense between anyone and his mother/sister/partner. Maybe at 23 he is outdated, but I am damn proud of the man he is. While they were growing up, I played with them, cared for them, and openly adored them (the one part of few emotions I cast off). I recognize and support the strength and intelligence of my girlfriend and will support her and have her back come hell or high water - I will also die protecting her and her children as well as my children and ex-wife (yes, despite divorce, I would do that - it was the way I was raised).
You can be strong while being supportive, you can be a man while having tea with your daughter, the world is your oyster, but by god, be a man.
In my little world every son is born a warrior whether he likes it or not, or whether he believes it or not. A good thing about warriors is they know how to deal with bullies. Thank you for defending the alpha.
“Toxic masculinity” is a buzzword slur used to degrade men and mislead women, like most other aspects of feminism it should be resisted. Traditional sex roles serve very deep purposes and cannot be reformed away without warping and stunting everyone involved, which is exactly what’s we see today. Remember, ladies, feminism was always a Trojan horse for the destruction of the family.
Cori, thank you for sharing a bit of your life, heart, and views here; and for courageously pushing against this cultural "hot topic". You got me reflecting on how different my role/relationship has been with each of my three wives--for better and for worse. The latter came when I forced myself into roles, mindsets, etc. that didn't match my strengths. Meanwhile, the former come when I lean into my strengths, with kindness and understanding for the strengths and weaknesses of my partner. In other words, a healthy marriage, relationship, or family has a yin and yang symbol nature to it. Does that makes sense? Thank you!
These thoughts must be genetic. I once told someone to “man-up” in a comments section and I was endlessly attacked for days by women who clearly haven’t ever been loved by a real man. I stand behind the sentiment to this day. As a 30- something woman, I don’t think there’s anything I love more than a strong, bold male leader telling me what to do (😝)
I’ve found that reconnecting with people I’d lost touch with is exposing me to so many interesting people. Reconnect and then converse with someone you find interesting. Only by being interested are we ourselves interesting to others
I think there might be a misunderstanding, or maybe my reading into toxic masculinity is different. Toxic is when a man cannot be tender, cannot enjoy his children and express joy, fear and sadness. My husband is a romantic, he is what you define as “toxic masculinity” in this essay but he isn’t in that he plays with his children, cooks and loves it and does his share of housework because we both work full time. He rarely expresses his feelings verbally because, I suspect, he doesn’t need to, or maybe he is just a glass of oil and is rarely perturbed. In any case, when he needs to he is not afraid to be vulnerable. I find the problem with today’s society is this need to express and feel validated all the time by everyone, and you don’t need to cry in public, but you should feel comfortable crying with people who truly know and love you. At least that’s what I try to teach my children, both boys and girl. And as for toxic masculinity, I just want my boys to grow to be the men they are, but also feel they can share their burden with the partner of their choice, and for my girl, to know that she is the hero of her story, there won’t be a knight in shinning armor, and if there is, he will disappoint her at some point, and that is fine too, because no one is perfect, and one has to find the answers for oneself. But that is just my outlook on life.
Thank you Ana. No single post is adequate to portray a lifetime of lessons. My husband is my partner in every measurable way. He leans towards a boomer’s stoicism and I’m ok with that. He makes no attempt to change me nor I him. It’s our imperfections and struggles together that make us stronger as a pair. My mom was killed by a drunk driver when I was 9. There were 7 of us left and we certainly learned to rely on one another. My dad treated us like people 5 girls and a boy. He expected us all to cook and clean and chop wood and move coal and grease engines -we did it all. And when I grew up and joined the workforce I was never a shrinking violet because of him. Yet many was the “feedback” about my “sharp elbows”. This might have been because I was a woman but I don’t wear the hats people try to stuff on my head. I chose to take that feedback; to stop acting like an ass at work.
I wrote this post because 3 men in my household can no longer be male in public. Because recently my husband mentioned how beautiful the day was while walking in a park at lunchtime and the woman he spoke to ran away screaming. I wrote it because we need to stop wearing hats people give us - that’s victimization by proxy. I wrote it because we’re different, males and females, and that’s ok. It doesn’t make us bad. It just means we’re human.
I agree that “all men that talk to you are rapists” narrative is not only infuriating but utterly sad. I wonder how the women who hold such views are able to function in life. Like for example- I had a long taxi ride from a hotel to the airport yesterday and the taxi driver and I had the nicest chat for 30’. Had I been a freak of nature I might have thought “this guy is creepy” or worse “this guy wants to make me feel comfortable to then drive me to his dark shed to kill me and dispose of my body”. I just chatted away and it was nice. And men and women are different, but we all feel things and might need to express them, so I strive to give my children the capacity to do so in the appropriate manner and situation. A pleasure chatting with you.
I appreciate your comment so much. I don’t know how my sons will connect with a good partner because all the “rules” now appear to prohibit good old fashioned mingling.
More news on the hug front today - new guidance is 20 second hug or 6 second kiss for release of oxytocin for bonding. Hugs and kisses all around! Lol
This is BRILLIANT, Cori! Thank you for taking the time to craft this marvelous defense of "neanderthal" men. I 100% agree with you. Male and female should help one another, support, encourage, nurture, give a break, and offer quiet love through the storm. I am going to save this piece from you, as my own Substack is about the chaos of the sexual revolution and the terrible damage it has done to male-female dynamic. No longer a Leftist nor a feminist. There are legitimate grievances between men and women, yes, but bringing God into the middle of it, helps immensely. I am so glad you and your husband have a solid partnership and your sons are learning the same honorable thing. Keep on!!! Women do not need "beta" males, they need strong men who are also respectful.
It’s lovely that you found something to relate to. Thank you for taking the time to say so.
Bren, a NEEDED thing, this writing. I agree totally. Former feminist, the anger and sadness never gets solved or balmed. MGTOW, incels, feminists, just a smaller war by any other name, between men and women. Hugs with husband a very good thing! If more people genuinely hugged every day, that would be a very good thing. Find the one God guides to you, stick with them and raise the kids together, man and woman. Honorable opposites as God created them to be, the Biblical "one flesh" realm and the only way life is made. Bravo, Bren, for this wonderful writing! WEW
This is absolutely sad. Holding a door is courteous regardless of the benefactor, or the insulted as the case may be. Keep on being you. You might be surprised how many ladies are ladies are looking for your gallantry and consideration.
As a 50 something male, I agree with what you are saying. Yes, I was raised to be competitive, strong, and not to express emotions (needlessly, at least). I have raised 2 children, a daughter and a son. I raised my daughter to be a strong woman and do for herself, yet I realize the difference between “being able to” and “having to” and wanted to give her the tools to choose. My son I raised to be the same as myself - strong and dependable. He opens door, offers his seat and was taught to be the last line of defense between anyone and his mother/sister/partner. Maybe at 23 he is outdated, but I am damn proud of the man he is. While they were growing up, I played with them, cared for them, and openly adored them (the one part of few emotions I cast off). I recognize and support the strength and intelligence of my girlfriend and will support her and have her back come hell or high water - I will also die protecting her and her children as well as my children and ex-wife (yes, despite divorce, I would do that - it was the way I was raised).
You can be strong while being supportive, you can be a man while having tea with your daughter, the world is your oyster, but by god, be a man.
Terry, this is beautiful
Good guy right here....nice to hear there are still them around.
In my little world every son is born a warrior whether he likes it or not, or whether he believes it or not. A good thing about warriors is they know how to deal with bullies. Thank you for defending the alpha.
“Toxic masculinity” is a buzzword slur used to degrade men and mislead women, like most other aspects of feminism it should be resisted. Traditional sex roles serve very deep purposes and cannot be reformed away without warping and stunting everyone involved, which is exactly what’s we see today. Remember, ladies, feminism was always a Trojan horse for the destruction of the family.
I was recently chided for holding the door open for a lady. Was tempted to slam it in her face, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Just sad.
Cori, thank you for sharing a bit of your life, heart, and views here; and for courageously pushing against this cultural "hot topic". You got me reflecting on how different my role/relationship has been with each of my three wives--for better and for worse. The latter came when I forced myself into roles, mindsets, etc. that didn't match my strengths. Meanwhile, the former come when I lean into my strengths, with kindness and understanding for the strengths and weaknesses of my partner. In other words, a healthy marriage, relationship, or family has a yin and yang symbol nature to it. Does that makes sense? Thank you!
Yes it does make sense. If you read What Can I Say I further explore compromise, which also touches on these topics. Have a lovely Monday.
These thoughts must be genetic. I once told someone to “man-up” in a comments section and I was endlessly attacked for days by women who clearly haven’t ever been loved by a real man. I stand behind the sentiment to this day. As a 30- something woman, I don’t think there’s anything I love more than a strong, bold male leader telling me what to do (😝)
I’ve said “man up” many times, usually to myself. Lol
I am so jealous! Happy for you, but stil jealous. You are indeed blessed.....the both of you. (sigh)
Thank you for your share.
There might be something for you in my article about long lost friends.
https://open.substack.com/pub/coribren/p/long-not-lost-friends?r=2umm6v&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I’ve found that reconnecting with people I’d lost touch with is exposing me to so many interesting people. Reconnect and then converse with someone you find interesting. Only by being interested are we ourselves interesting to others
Well met! I’m going to make our hugs last longer, thank you.
Enjoy
I think there might be a misunderstanding, or maybe my reading into toxic masculinity is different. Toxic is when a man cannot be tender, cannot enjoy his children and express joy, fear and sadness. My husband is a romantic, he is what you define as “toxic masculinity” in this essay but he isn’t in that he plays with his children, cooks and loves it and does his share of housework because we both work full time. He rarely expresses his feelings verbally because, I suspect, he doesn’t need to, or maybe he is just a glass of oil and is rarely perturbed. In any case, when he needs to he is not afraid to be vulnerable. I find the problem with today’s society is this need to express and feel validated all the time by everyone, and you don’t need to cry in public, but you should feel comfortable crying with people who truly know and love you. At least that’s what I try to teach my children, both boys and girl. And as for toxic masculinity, I just want my boys to grow to be the men they are, but also feel they can share their burden with the partner of their choice, and for my girl, to know that she is the hero of her story, there won’t be a knight in shinning armor, and if there is, he will disappoint her at some point, and that is fine too, because no one is perfect, and one has to find the answers for oneself. But that is just my outlook on life.
I enjoyed reading your essay.
Thank you Ana. No single post is adequate to portray a lifetime of lessons. My husband is my partner in every measurable way. He leans towards a boomer’s stoicism and I’m ok with that. He makes no attempt to change me nor I him. It’s our imperfections and struggles together that make us stronger as a pair. My mom was killed by a drunk driver when I was 9. There were 7 of us left and we certainly learned to rely on one another. My dad treated us like people 5 girls and a boy. He expected us all to cook and clean and chop wood and move coal and grease engines -we did it all. And when I grew up and joined the workforce I was never a shrinking violet because of him. Yet many was the “feedback” about my “sharp elbows”. This might have been because I was a woman but I don’t wear the hats people try to stuff on my head. I chose to take that feedback; to stop acting like an ass at work.
I wrote this post because 3 men in my household can no longer be male in public. Because recently my husband mentioned how beautiful the day was while walking in a park at lunchtime and the woman he spoke to ran away screaming. I wrote it because we need to stop wearing hats people give us - that’s victimization by proxy. I wrote it because we’re different, males and females, and that’s ok. It doesn’t make us bad. It just means we’re human.
I agree that “all men that talk to you are rapists” narrative is not only infuriating but utterly sad. I wonder how the women who hold such views are able to function in life. Like for example- I had a long taxi ride from a hotel to the airport yesterday and the taxi driver and I had the nicest chat for 30’. Had I been a freak of nature I might have thought “this guy is creepy” or worse “this guy wants to make me feel comfortable to then drive me to his dark shed to kill me and dispose of my body”. I just chatted away and it was nice. And men and women are different, but we all feel things and might need to express them, so I strive to give my children the capacity to do so in the appropriate manner and situation. A pleasure chatting with you.
I appreciate your comment so much. I don’t know how my sons will connect with a good partner because all the “rules” now appear to prohibit good old fashioned mingling.