Life Could Be a Nightmare

Sh-Boom, Sh-Boom

“Same Walk, Different Shoes” is a Substack community writing project that Ben Wakeman organized as a practical exercise in empathy. The premise is simple. A group of writers anonymously contribute a personal story of an experience that changed their life. Each participating writer is randomly assigned one of these story prompts to turn into a short story. The story you are about to read is one from this collection. You can find all the stories from the participating writers at Catch & Release. Enjoy the walk with us.

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“BEEP BEEP BEEP”. I smack the alarm clock off the table. ‘Jesus Christ! The fucking alarm already! I just got to sleep.’ Today’s May 5th, so I only have a few more weeks and it’s sayonara sophomore, hello junior. My God, I don’t know if I’ll make it. Well, at least I got into Prep. All the hard work in school was worth it cause Prep is my stepping stone to bigger and better universities.

Seeing that the expected high today is off the charts for May, I guess I’ll wear a long billowy sundress that looks like something by Gunne Sax from the 70’s. It’s not like I’m part of the in-crowd, so worrying about style is the last thing on my mind. Even though I tried to distance myself from the nerd group by quitting marching band, I’m still an outsider to almost everyone. Being a weird nerd myself whittles my friend list to an anorexic toothpick - almost nothing. Thank God I have Peg! Well, Margaret - honestly who gets Peg from Margaret?! Peg suits her so much better. Although nothing suited her yesterday when I told her my awesome news about getting into Prep. She seemed surprised, upset, and hurt all at the same time. I’m sure after sleeping on it, she’ll be cool today.

Come to think of it Peg’s a nerd too, but with an edge. There’s something about her that makes her part of many groups. Might be the crazy curly hair or just the naughty twinkle in her eyes. She’s always up for something and almost everyone knows it. I’ve never understood why we’re best friends, but it’s been that way since junior high when we both tried out for the track team. I was a runner and she did field events. With those big knockers, no way she was running. I laughed just watching her do warm up laps. She didn’t then, and still doesn’t, let a single thing bother her and she always says what’s on her mind. I envy her brazenness because it attracts people to her like flies on shit.

Dragging my ass through dressing for school feels like trying to jump a dead battery. There’s no juice left. I won’t do my makeup until I get to school, cause duh - Dad. “You girls are too naturally pretty to put that shit all over your face. Your mom never wore it and you girls aren’t either!” I tell ya, it gets so fucking old, that song. I miss my mom A TON! But, I don’t need to be her. In the kitchen the lighting seems weird, like the strange gloaming right at dusk. Shrugging that off, I go for the grape nuts cereal - I know, right? I told you I’m a weird nerd. Something about those milk-resistant little bastards makes me love ‘em.

I hear the bus turning the corner onto our street. The brakes squeak EVERY time the driver slows for the turn. Grabbing my pack, I’m out the door in seconds and standing at the end of our short, suburban driveway right on time. When I get in, for a split-second it seems like the whole bus is full - like every seat. Shaking my head, I move to the second to last row where I always sit. I have to finish a short update for my literature class. Seriously, why the fuck is lit my first period class? There’re 8 periods and these are the dice I roll? Again, I’m not Peg but I’ll suck it up and deal. Head down writing my update, I’m oblivious of the trip until we stop at the curb with a squeak.

Oh, great! The bus is late again. If I’m in my seat after the bell one more time I’ll be suspended. How the hell are we supposed to make up for late bus arrivals? Why should we have to? Still, I run through the hallways which seem oddly empty, slamming into the edge of the open door to room 116, sliding around the corner into the first desk on the right. How fucking late are we?! When I look up, Ms. Dubois is nowhere to be seen. Scanning the room I see Peg in the last seat of the last row on the left. That’s odd, we always sit together up front. I nod my head and wave but she doesn’t wave back. Probably has her mind on something else. Like I said, she’s into almost everything.

Blah, blah, blah. Droning on, collecting updates, dismissing class. Lit flies by in technicolor and we’re spilling into the hallway. I try to catch up to Peg, but she’s gone in the crush of bodies. Where did all these people come from? It feels overly full, like the bus did. I really, really need more sleep to make it through this day.

Later at lunch I walk up to our table but it’s full. Literally every seat, including mine next to Peg, is taken. “What the hell Susan?! Get out of my seat!” Everyone turns to look at me in unison and Susan says “What? Who are you?”. I say “Ha-ha, very funny. Move out of my seat.” Confusion crosses all 6 faces in front of me, including Peg’s. I literally shake my head, because something is not computing. With less oomph this time, I say “Seriously, what’s going on?” Peg says “Who are you and why do you think Susan is in your seat? Why do you think it’s your seat?” Shaking my head again and looking into Peg’s puzzled eyes, I say “It’s me, Laura. We’ve sat here together every school day for 2 years, fucking duh?!” Peg looks even more confused. She says “I don’t know you and I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Now I feel like Alice, fallen down the rabbit’s hole. What the actual fuck is happening right now? I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’m confused.

“Are you people even serious right now? Has everyone lost their minds?!” I shout. Looking around the cafeteria and then at each other, with a short nod from Peg they get up, take their trays and bags, and move to another table. I suddenly feel a little light-headed and plop down with a bang putting my head down on the table. This must be some kind of joke. Is she pissed at me because I got into Prep and she’s not going too? Is that what this is about? Maybe she needs a little more time to cool down. I’ll call her tonight and hopefully we’ll have a good laugh over this.

But, I’m the one who can’t let it go the rest of the day. I walk around in a daze, which gives the rest of my classes a glossy, artificial, dreamy quality. I'll be hopelessly out of touch with details when I try to study for finals. As soon as I’m home I go straight to my room slamming onto the bed with a bang and stare at the ceiling perplexed. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I just talked to Peg yesterday. We spent the whole day together as usual right up until 7th period, when the counselor gave me the news about Prep. I obviously couldn’t wait to tell my best friend, so I sprung it on her on the way to 8th. Like I said, she was a little upset, but nothing like what would cause the fake job they pulled at lunch. Seriously, I can’t even figure out how she got 5 ‘barely’ friends to go along with such a scam. The more I think about it, the more my gaze drills into the ceiling, and the more pissed I become. I’m calling her after I eat and she better apologize. She should be excited for me.

After dinner, I drag the phone into the den for a little privacy and dial her number. Her mom answers. “Hi Mrs. Pennington. This is Laura. Can I talk to Peg?” She says “I’m sorry. What did you say your name is?” I say “Laura. Laura Smith.” She says, “I don’t know anyone by that name and neither does Peg, that I’m aware of”. “Please, Mrs. Pennington. Wait! May I please talk to Peg? She knows me. Everyone knows me. I’ve been coming to your house since I was in junior high!”. “I’m sorry, dear,” and she hangs up. WHAT! THE! FUCK!

I’m shaking - with shock, with anger, with a weird sense that my sanity is slipping away. I get absolutely no sleep that night. I pop some Tylenol with a Pepsi for breakfast and dash out the door with zero fucks given about my appearance, my school work, or anything else. When I get to Lit, my crusty eyes scan for Peg but she’s not there. I tap my foot the entire period and nearly plow people down getting to the next class. Same thing happens. Despite our schedules being twinkies, she is not in a single class. Over lunch I race into the admin office and ask if she’s ok. The school secretary, Angela, tells me Peg’s fine and asks why I need to know. I tell her we are in classes together all day and she missed them all. She says she’s in class as scheduled and shows me the monitor where I see a schedule that is NOT the same as mine. Now I know I’m losing it.

The rest of the day passes in a daze. Like a bad rerun on TV, the last 3 weeks of class are more of the same. Peg completely ignores me as if we’re total strangers. Her family, which I practically grew up with, appears not to know me. It’s like everyone has disappeared. Like I’m invisible, left behind, discarded. I’m crushed. Utterly, and completely devastated. It’s as if I’d never met Peg, never became her best friend. Never huddled under a blanket tent long after lights-out admitting to each other that we both like Bobby Levine - like really liked him, planned to marry him. Like we didn’t flip a coin, of course Peg won the toss. Like we weren’t crying together when he chose Susan over either of us for his date to the junior high spring dance that year. Like MY LIFE IS OVER! Oh my God. MY LIFE IS OVER!

Summer came and went - another blur of color, angst, and confusion. My first week at Prep, I made up a story that my best friend died last year because everyone was asking more about each other and I couldn’t face the real story. It turns out one of the girls at Prep, Sarah, was sisters with someone at Peg’s senior high. Word got out about my lie and everyone at Prep ostracized me. The pain was like a mountain whose weight was relentlessly crushing me until my soul was flat and small like a postage stamp inside me. By the end of that first week, the whole world appeared tinged in weird gray paint, colors muted and accompanied by a mental background musical score of dark, sad tunes. MY LIFE WAS OVER!

“BEEP BEEP BEEP”. I smack the alarm clock off the table. ‘Jesus Christ! The fucking alarm already! I just got to sleep.’ WAIT! Why is the date on the clock May 5th. What? Wait, what?! I fly down the stairs, my dad shouting “What the hell Laura? You’re gonna wake the whole house with that racket!”. “Sorry, Dad. Forgot to call Peg.’' “You know the rules, but something’s up so just this once you can use the phone before school.” “Thanks, dad.”

My hands are trembling so hard I can barely dial. She picks up on the first ring screaming “You fucking asshole! Why didn’t you call me last night? I had the juice on Susan. I don’t think I’ll say one fucking word to you today as punishment. You’ll have to wait until I’m good and ready, you beotch.” To which I say, “Shut the fuck up! I love you.” and start crying uncontrollably. Peg apologizes for the sad face yesterday and tells me how excited she is for me getting into Prep. I don’t tell her anything about it, but in that instant I realize it was all a dream. I’m just so fucking relieved it’s a dream. I now realize that everyone that first day was wearing similar shades of blue, the bus was packed, the hallways were packed, the lighting was weird. I can’t believe I missed it in the dream. But…

It was all a dream. A horrible, fucked up nightmare about losing my best God-damned friend on this planet. This fucking rock spins 1,000 miles an hour, 365.2 times a year. Don’t leave anyone behind, leave anything to chance. Don’t wait - for ANYTHING. But especially don’t wait to tell all the people you love that you love them, you’d do anything for them. That you’re glad they’re with you in your little corner of the world. That your life would virtually suck in nightmarish ways if they were gone.