Aliens, Serial Killers, and Hidden Lairs

Oh My! The Wonders of the Coming Summer.

I’m republishing this post as an ode to the coming summer. Don’t hurry through Spring, mind you, but hold out hope for the glorious greenery to come.

Look very closely at these photographs from the woods today. This one is a Hidden Lair (OBVIOUSLY). There is what looks like a stove pipe chimney sticking up out of this forest pond. Upon seeing it I was stuck by the idea of a hidden lair that rises up out of the pond muck a few times a year to restock and manage the embarkation/disembarkation of evil geniuses and their entourages of henchman. Exactly what are these fanatics up to? Data mining information from drone birds and insects? Tracking fashion worn by unsuspecting hikers, captured on ‘rotten log’ cameras? Guessing the age, weight, and relative wellness of hikers as they step on pressure sensors or the health of dogs along for the walk, who innocently pee in the ‘sand’ (clearly suspect in a deciduous forest!) along the trail? For the first time ever I’m thinking of writing a fiction short-story about this commune of diehard woodland zealots and whoever pays them for their ill gotten gains! LOL

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Even more clearly the chimney to a Hidden Lair

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Further down this new trail, I captured the PRECISE spot in the forest where the alien abductions take place. Now, I’m not making fun of anyone who’s experienced such a tragedy. I happen to believe we are shidiots (fact check in The Starfire Codes latest post The Perplexicon - it’s a word) if we think we’re the only thing going on in this universe.

No, I spotted this ‘clearing’ (yea, right, a clearing) and the light was pouring into it from above like a spotlight on a hidden X marking the pickup spot. It is seriously a dead-ringer for a place you naturally stop, grab your water bottle, and look up at the sky you haven’t seen in an hour because of tree cover. There’s even a fallen tree to rest on, for the love of God. Let’s just say I wouldn’t stop there for an army if it was dusk or already dark because it’s the light-beam elevator to alien space ships. Take my word for it, but you decide from these covert photos I snapped while sneaking around this trail today.

And what the hell ‘Oh my God, is that a size 16’ behemoth in boots stepped on this innocent moss patch while scoping out a swampy burial ground for his next serial killing spree? I’m picturing a nice-looking, soft-spoken Ted Bundy look-alike in khaki’s and a golf shirt. Luring people in with a shy smile and slightly haunted eyes. I was stalking baby frogs who all jumped in the water, probably terrified by what came before me. I mean, I saw this footprint from a mile away and the closeup, yikes! What the actual run for your lives is happening in this innocent stretch of woods today?! Check these pics out.

Supersize that serial killer order, please

Holy Toledo! The bigger the feet, the bigger the knife, or something like that.

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I was hightailing it outta there by the end of all these make-believe catastrophes (tricky word) happening in my empty Sunday-forest brain. But not so fast that I missed a few innocent (yea, right!) snakes and mushrooms.

Simple garter snake, alone on the trail. Yep, all alone, on my trail…

Those mushrooms aren’t mine, officer. Those were in these pants I borrowed from a friend. No, I don’t remember my friend’s name….

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In all seriousness, I cannot and will not survive a week IRL without Sunday nature therapy. It’s the best drug on the universe’s market and if you’re not doing it, like all the cool kids are, you really are a shidiot!

Peace out, people. Have a doozy of a week!