Stop Lying About Zombies!

Ain't NO way in hell they're climbing under a bathroom stall with those sticky floors

What’s with the human fascination with zombies? I personally don’t care for them or about them. But someone sure does. We have movies, games, costumes, rules, regulations, paraphernalia, and of course memes. What I don’t understand is this terror, first viewed by me while watching the movie Zombieland, of zombies attacking us whilst we’re on the can. Assuming we’re on the run for our lives we’ll be using every restroom from here to eternity including restaurants, stores, rest areas, truckstops, and abandoned homes. Just how clean are we expecting these bastions of relief to be?! They ain’t no way on God’s green earth any zombie is crawling on a truck stop bathroom to get to your brains. I mean seriously, those floors are like a fly trap.

Have you traveled across this country recently? Have you traveled anywhere? Are you even awake yet, bro?! Pay attention Gump! I know we have a labor shortage, so all these folks in all these establishments are focused on more important things than cleaning, but COMEON MAN! I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have my brains eaten than contract whatever is glazing these floors with the fine sheen of mystery shit, both metaphoric and literal. I just traveled from Pennsylvania to Ohio this week and there was a level of sticky that made me want to become one of those shoe casualties we see along the interstate. I don’t want whatever’s on the soles of my shoes from that restaurant (name omitted to protect the guilty) restroom to actually end up on the mat in my truck. Let’s yuk it up and then use Love’s Truck Stop as your bio break instead. They keep those public restrooms spotless!

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Memes take up a lot of cyberspace. Deal with it.

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I had more fun putting this together than you might have while reading it. Hopefully this pissing contest ends in a draw 👀. Come at me in the comments. I’m practicing my zombie evasion skills. Wa-cha-chi (screamed with karate hands up).