My Birthday Wish

Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit

Credit: R. Rhoades

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As usual, my mind started writing this in my head instead of the post I planned. Bear with me - NO! How many times do I have to say it? I’m not choosing a bear over a human man!

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It came to me just now, while folding laundry, that my birthday wish is for everyone to consider the following:

We each have ONLY 2 responsibilities as humans when we’re born

1. Perpetuate, or support the perpetuation of our species. Fact check this, but it’s inside our genetic code.

2. Become what the universe expected us to be when we were gifted with a soul.

That said, stop pressuring yourself with a cruise ship full of other shit. It’s just white noise in the quest for these 2 tasks.

Life is a series of trials intended to mold us into this PERFECT universal specter. If your history keeps repeating itself, as mine frequently does, then slow down and recognize the Nth iteration of the chapter and get it fucking right this time. It’s painful, my God, is it excruciatingly painful. But it’s a prerequisite to reaching your complete and comprehensive manifestation of peace. Including our world peace. Be determined, kind, strong, loving, dependable. Be present. Be there. There are so many ways to say “just be”.

My birthday is Tuesday, May 21st. Yes, I’m a Gemini. Yes, it should say I’m a “small town” vs a “twin”, because there are way more than 2 people inside me. LOL. When I think back on my 59 years, here’s what strikes me:

1. Despite childhood trauma, which used to be ALL that I was about, I am an intelligent, well-adjusted (no interrupting, family!), kind person.

2. Despite feeling my share of resentments, at times, about my responsibilities or whatever, I’m helpful and dedicated nearly every minute of every day to providing for the success, comfort, and happiness of others.

3. Despite the many voices in my head that never shut the fuck up, constantly clamoring to interfere with my presence, I recognize precious moments 24x7. I’ve stopped taking pictures of many of them, because the camera is often in the way of the experience for me. One recent example is a greenhouse my youngest son wanted to build. He didn’t want to follow any basic carpentry rules even though he stick-built it. I detested the eye-sore quality of this monstrosity right next to our pool. LOL. However, it has fallen down once and is about to fall down again. And what I so deeply feel now is love for this absolutely PERFECT back-yard school room. He’s been working on this since fall. And I’ve lost count of how many times he’s said “dad, I should have used those brackets”, “mom, I shouldn’t have added so many doorways”, etc. Not because I want to be right, but because only AFTER experiencing his hands-on learning style for the millionth time in his 23 years, did I recognize that in this way try/fail, try/fail again - he taught himself and us a lesson about lessons.

4. Despite a viciously unhealthy obsession with money (implanted in my psyche from said trauma noted above), I have learned to let go. The more I give, the more that comes back to me even though it no longer has an obscene hold on me.

5. Despite my career being my EVERYTHING, for at least 3 decades, it means absolutely nothing to me now. I am counting the grains in my hourglass to the not-yet-shared retirement date I’ve chosen. And, even in the short 5 months of writing I’ve done on Substack, I’ve completely - COMPLETELY - lost my fear of retirement. There is no longer a story about it that I’ve made up in my head. It’s a completely blank journal waiting for my new chapter. The only thing I want is some down time for a bit, then to tackle experience what’s next.

6. Despite fearing for many decades that my husband would leave me, I’m in a relationship now that I never knew I dreamt about. I am alas completely myself. Completely happy with who we are together, comfortable and confident in our continued growing old together. Next week is our 36th wedding anniversary and this is our 41st year together. Time releases all fears, smooths all edges, and most importantly blinds us (literally LOL) to each others imperfections. Nowadays, very few couples realize how much the compromise of a lifelong relationship diminishes the things that upset us. It’s a coping skill built upon the experiences of growing up - that time, that shrinkage of hurt until it’s a mere drop in an intracontinental ocean, indiscernible from all the other drops.

7. Finally, for today, I’ve discovered that the less important I am, the more important and more successful my peeps are and, hello, that’s what perpetuating the species is all about.

I love my life. I love that although I write for myself, many will read this and maybe one reader will connect. It’s gonna be a subtle, painless hip-check for someone and that’s the best birthday gift I could wish for.