I'm Not Weird, You're Weird

This month's Bren's Bite has teeth (insert lion roaring or housecat yawning)

May 06, 2026

“You might find that (cover art) notion ironic. But trust me, you’ll come around.” Spoken by Master Sergeant Farell, when he talks about fate in the movie The Edge of Tomorrow. And, yes, these sci-fi movies are an obsession of mine. And, yes, now I want to spend the next two hours watching this movie for the 856th time instead of doing productive things like laundry. So what?! GET OFF MY BACK!

Humph! (briskly pulling shirt down and flinging my shoulder in your face)!

Disclaimer: I have not researched all of these tips. The interwebs let me down hard by failing to turn up memes that supported my ideas of weird health remedies, so what follows are my treasure chest of alternative health ideas followed by a meme party that looks like a rodeo clown, a bull, and a three ring circus walked into a bar. Like I said in my first Bren’s Bites post, comedy is medicine.

It’s time for the long awaited, much hyped May issue of Bren’s Bites. Like all the bites, these health tips are short and easy to implement, and, now also weirder than even you could have imagined. I mean crap (👀I mean stuff) like urinating on a jellyfish sting, drinking ‘raw’ unfiltered, untreated water, “feed a cold but starve a fever”, are some of the ‘do’s’ that might or might not stack up to scrutiny. ‘Don’ts’, like don’t eat yellow snow, don’t drink alcohol, or don’t smoke all seem like sound ideas. But other general ‘observations’ such as heartburn while pregnant means the baby has lots of hair, rub a wart with a penny to cure it, itchy palms mean money is coming, or a cat will take a baby’s breath, might require a shit ton of double blind studies to pass muster with the science police (of which I’M NOT part).

Some of this is pure ‘alternative’ gold, but the rest is hinky as shit! (Perplexicon time = ‘shinky’ The Starfire Codes by Demi Pietchell) I mean scary, right?

I report, you decide. Here are the ill-considered, possibly revolutionary, health tips you didn’t realize you’ve been waiting for all your life. Take em or leave em.

Make your bed, maggot! Making your bed kicks off the day with a feeling of calm, clean, uncluttered success.
20 minutes of natural light, outdoors every morning rain or shine. Amp up the benefits by getting sunlight in the presence of trees, aka ‘tree bathing’. It’s a combination proven to slow heart rate and lower blood pressure while you’re improving your circadian rhythm.
20 minute hugs - The new gold standard for support, care, and compassion. Choose wisely when selecting strangers on the street to hug…just sayin.
20 minute ‘coffee’ nap - You read that right. Drink 1-2 cups of caffeinated coffee then take a 20 minute nap, for an instant refresh and renewed focus (thanks Jamie)
Flossing once a day - Why the fuck do I get dinged on my ‘real age’ if I don’t do this? LOL. Because inflamed gums = inflamed body. Red-heads are inflamed enough, thank you very much!
‘Walk it off’ to exit a death spiral of negative thinking
Shout “GUARDS!” when you’re having negative thoughts, imagining old knights entering and carrying the thought away. Thank you Olga Panagiotopoulou for this incredibly humorous and helpful tip!
Use music or photographs to recall great times to mind. Both Ken Macko and Deborah T. Hewitt have written about this. An added benefit is that new music, viewing photographs, or taking up a new hobby all add new grooves to your gray matter which could stave off dementia.
Send a song from the radio to a loved one who’s struggling or who you miss. I capture them the old fashioned way 👀 having my cell camera open and recording a video when I hear something that reminds me of them, because this mostly occurs while I’m driving.
Ceylon cinnamon lowers blood sugar - I brought my A1C down to good range by adding this spice and turmeric to my daily life. I don’t know if it contains the Ceylon type of cinnamon, but Trader Joe pumpkin pie spice is what I liberally sprinkle on all kinds of foods and drinks now. It recalls to mind fond memories of fall pies.
Turmeric (curcumin) does alleviate joint pain (arthritis), improve heart health, manage blood sugar levels, and potentially ease depression
Get your fruit - Eat only fruit that is in season and locally grown. Pennsylvania is known for our apples, so I have a cute little habit of eating various pies to get my fruits. LOL. I also add flash frozen wild blueberry/raspberry/blackberry mix to my drinks year round as ‘ice cubes’ with a fiber and antioxidant (anti-inflammatory) kick! Party on with fruit!
Kill the lists! - I saw a note from Feasts and Fables about a ‘big list, little list’ approach. I’m obsessed. Putting things down onto a big list gets them out of your brain and onto a page for later reference (think stream of consciousness). Getting them out of your head reduces anxiety. Moving things from the big list to the little list puts them into action a tiny nibble at a time, bolstering your sense of accomplishment. I keep my little list to just 3 things, sometimes 5, per week, thus keeping the rest of my gray matter free for creativity, gazing at trees, listening to birds and so on. This little change frees up a tremendous amount of capacity for presence, which is proven to reduce stress, improve sleep, and make us more healthy.
Get your groove on - April’s bite was move, but we all know that’s a broad topic. Here are the May move hacks - dance around the bathroom to local radio music while getting dressed in the morning. I have the app (gasp!) on my phone. Local is great, during the ads you can get reacquainted with local businesses and events and start taking advantage of those instead of online, big box providers.
Act childish - Here’s the fun! Go back in time to the outdoor games of your youth and bring it all to life again - gently please, on a cushiony grassy surface😅. Games like hopscotch, Chinese jump rope, hula hooping, and croquet, and the newer hand-eye coordination wonder of boxbollen that offers a grand-slam of benefits because you’ll hone reflexes/coordination, weight-bearing abilities, heart rate, and stamina. All of these improvements slow aging.
Sticky stuff works - Honey (local ONLY) is a superfood with all manner of superpowers including, but not limited to, disinfecting cuts to help them heal (thanks Jamie), fermenting garlic for a delicious gut biome super-treat (as recommended by Zoe on YT), mixing with cinnamon, ginger, lemon and such to amp up your tea for relieving cold and flu symptoms the old fashioned way.
Your skin is dying, no really, it dies and sheds every day. But you’re also using it to harm yourself because it’s a sponge. See VarianaVolk for her note about Alkaline Baths. Then, stop putting any treatments with any in-human chemicals or perfumes in them on your skin. As the largest, and most neglected, organ in the human body your skin is the doorway through which you’re allowing poisons to sneak. Choose one thing to change per month for the rest of this year. I recently switched to tallow-based moisturizer which is miraculous for sore, cracking feet. It’s made locally by a Mennonite farming community. Think skincare, toothpaste, hair care, candles/oils with chemical scents, laundry detergent, etc. This feels big, but it’s not. Repair one routine at a time.

That’s quite enough for today. It’s starting to feel more like an all-you-can-eat buffet than a bite. So, lets roll out the memes before I have to roll y’all outta here!

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Okay fellow weirdos. How’s your Bren’s Bites boot-camp going? I have no idea if these are falling on deaf ears, or blind eyes, or gimpy bodies. Comeonman! I just need a little bit of info. Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there?!

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