Amateur to Ace: This Waiting Room Sucks

Part 2

Credit: Bored Panda, source - ihdval

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This is part 2 of my series ‘Amateur to Ace: Going Pro on Substack’.

But first - a word from my sponsor (and spirit guide)

Kristi Keller

and her Unstack Substack site. She’s krispy, she’s crackly, she’s the new rice cereal of the SubStack spirit guide world. Seriously, we spent 1 hour together and my entire life changed. She pointed out simple, fine-tuning opportunities that will take my publication up several notches. I highly, highly recommend that all the writers in my audience take advantage of her digital assistant skills and place the ‘magic behind the curtain’ in her capable hands. I leave this commercial with this revelation - did you know there are at least 4 places your own descriptive words show up and some are only seen by your visitors ONCE? You heard that right. I was not aware that the Welcome screen is only viewed 1 time in our entire relationship with anyone who stumbles onto us. No pressure, but isn’t that the elevator speech of all elevator speeches? And the “No thank you” under your Subscribe box on the Welcome page is customizable. BOOM! You’d better make it good. More on all this when I reveal my new online presence in the next post.

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When I started this transformation project I had a vision and an expectation that I would embroil

Kristi Keller

in my mad schemes, change a few words, and VOILA Bren’s Buzz would be staged and ready for a re-open house. WRONG! I’ve spent the better part of a week thinking deep thoughts about what Bren’s Buzz is and how to explain who I am as a writer to my audience. I’ve been tapping a pen and carrying around an old composition book I’d repurposed for SubStack magic, furiously jotting down ideas for my Welcome blurb. It’s still a pile of steaming crap.

As it turns out this ain’t so easy. I didn’t think it would be necessarily, but it’s much more complex than I expected. When I started writing here (first EVER foray into social media), I literally (figuratively) unrolled a natty old rug, set up a rickety card table, and hung a Bren’s Buzz sign out. That’s how “easy” SubStack makes it. Those rat BASTARDS! I didn’t need to be somebody yet, or even ever. I didn’t need to be slick, or polished, or popular. I still don’t need to be any of those things. But I do need to be me. The me I’m becoming as a writer. But we’ll unpack that later.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve spent several days doing the shadow work like creating a color palette for branding, by viewing Hex Codes - a series of numbers and letters assigned to every color in the digital world. This was interesting for a hot minute. Spending hours on Hex Codes with a condition called tetrachromacy - a 4th set of cones in my eyes that vastly expand the color spectrum - is a special kind of hell even for a creative like me. For many people, sliding the micrometer sized selector around a 6 by 6 block of color would result in the frustration of “these all look the same to me”. For me, I saw the difference in every minute move of the mouse. Not only that but I loved every one of those millions of color bits. And, I was choosing 3 colors for the palette. What the actual “new CIA torture device” was this?!! But alas, I succeeded in checking that box and sent them off to Kristi.

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Then unknowingly, unwittingly I suggested a visual theme from which Kristi worked her magic. While working through color selection, I found it helpful to view images of rooms designed with the colors I had in mind. This made the job infinitely easier. First, I could immediately see if something in my head was actually visually appealing. Second, it gave me some other ideas about my personal style. This particular ‘flea market of rooms’ approach gave me ideas that formed the overall vibe for my site - quirky cottage in the garden. Kristi, probably thinking “Thank God! How much time is required to choose freaking colors?!”, used images I sent her of open doorways looking into comfy reading spaces, open garden gates, and the phrase “English cottage feel” to create the most tear-jerking theme a hopeless romantic could ask for. I mean I love it! One of my subscribers I run stuff by sometimes said “it reminds me of The Hobbit”, which is high praise. Finishing the shadow work BEFORE I show you the new Bren’s Buzz is literally crushing my soul right now!

Next, I began strolling through my subscriptions to look at the author’s Welcome and About verbiage. It is mind-boggling the breadth of diversity on this platform. People from everywhere writing about everything, ripping out their heart - all gooey with their soul inside - and laying it on their card table and shouting a hawker’s pitch into the distracted crowds. I found so many candid heart-felt words in the Welcome pitches I’ve searched so far. Here are some wonderful examples.

Blessed Warrior Reina

starts out with the phrase “I’m a Peaceful Intuitive, Healer, & Writer”. Who doesn’t read on after that opening salvo.

Chasing Nature

is short but intriguing - “Dispatches on wildlife, wild places and the human condition”

Conspi-Rat

brilliantly simple - “Everything, and then some”

Stone Bryson

has an excellent opening phrase - “Analog thoughts in a digital world”

Easy By Nature

“Exploration and insights into re-wilding your yard, neighborhood, and spirit.” He had me at “re-wilding your yard”.

Deborah T. Hewitt

clinches it with “Stories of history, family, immigration, the arts, music and hope.” Hope to do a collaborative post with her.

Julie Dee

whose presence in notes is an example to follow and uniquely has a welcome with a warning - “Rambles, rants, stories and poetry on life, love & liberty. Please read a few posts before subscribing.”

There’s not much left for me to do. ONLY writing a Welcome elevator speech that grabs people by the short hairs, enticing them to subscribe to, or at least poke around and end up following, Bren’s Buzz. Then an About that makes people want to sit and have coffee or bourbon and while away the time with me and my work. Easy, peasy right? WRONG! What is Bren’s Buzz? Who am I? I mean I write myself onto the page every week. How the hell do I know where that comes from or why. I’ve written What I Want (short biography on Amazon) but that was an existential roadmap to what was next for me at that time. How on earth will I virtually smile at visitors, look into their eyes, and convey a message of what’s inside of Bren’s Buzz? I don’t know how, but I will. I’m meditating and going with the flow. Well, more like jerking around, huffing and puffing, and throwing heavy sighs all over my world right now. My mental gymnastics kind of look like Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. Bad, right? Tune in next week for episode 3 of Amateur to Ace, where I share the rest of this journey!

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